When Logic is a Feeling

Image: ingredients of a hamburger suspended in the air between two hands, the image is flipped upside-down. (Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash (inverted))

When I was a kid I needed the world to be logical, rational, orderly.

I’d been told all my life I was smart. I read books about science; about space. Every day in kindergarten, I read the same book about space, because I wanted to learn to read all the words in that book. …

It's not responsible at this point for me to continue giving you a platform on my own Medium page, especially considering that the vast majority of the harm that's being done to trans people right now won't touch me; I got mine, basically, I am physically safe, and that's why…

Gift giving, gender roles, and parent-child trust

Family Dollar Christmas endcap (source: glassdoor.com)

Growing up as a young closeted trans boy I received a lot of traditionally feminine gifts:

Always that cheap, generic perfume and body wash set you get at the drug store because you can’t think of anything else. The more visibly masculine my presentation became, the more often I got that sort of gift: I could never tell if it was thoughtless or malicious. An attempt…

How I Learned to Cook Filet Mignon From Garbage

bacon wrapped top sirloin and salad

We get to the usual spot and start feeling the bags.

We’ve got on gloves and headlamps. We can tell what’s in the bags, to an extent, by the texture and weight of the outside, but anything curious gets untied. Carefully, if possible. It’s important not to make a mess. We don’t want to give the owners a reason to shoo…

About being trans, wearing clothes, and being a tiger

Image: a tiger; Photo by mana5280 on Unsplash

There was a post on an old queer messageboard I read as a teen, written by a trans masc person, that will always stick in my mind.

“I feel really threatened by FTM-vectored folks in male spaces/male-focused leather scenes. Like they were tigers or something

I read the message board and didn’t post because I was intimidated, too, by other queer people. …

Yeah, it’s still OK to feel things about the little problems.

Content warning: graphic description of suicide

Image: a plastic grocery bag with a smiley face that reads “Thank You Have a Nice Day”

When I was a small child, I accidentally let go of a balloon that I was holding while I was in the car on the way home from a trip to Disney World.

It escaped through the moon roof, into the humid Florida night.

As an adult, I found my roommate dead in her bed, naked, surrounded by kitchen knives, suffocated by a plastic bag. …

How to kill a mouse when someone you love is watching

Content warning: animal cruelty in the form of misguided attempts at humane pest control

Mousetrap by Evan-Amos on Wikimedia Commons, public domain image

My apartment had mice.

The slumlord who owned the place clearly wasn’t going to take care of it.

Getting mice in your apartment is a true test of a relationship.

See, I’d been living alone, while the man I was…

The nonviolent benefits of violent rhetoric

Content warning: Casual ableist language, descriptions of real and fantasy violence.

TL;DR: Nothing in this essay condones violence, but discusses the use of violent rhetoric as a tool.

One of my earliest trans resources was the forum of the webcomic Venus Envy, about a teen trans girl who is able to get on estrogen at 16, written in 2001.

The resources I had when I was first coming out as transgender were not by any means radical.

The ideas that my online communities held about what it meant to be trans were old-fashioned, even, though we looked down on…

It is and isn’t a big deal

Content warning: descriptions of my herpes

Photo by USGS on Unsplash

For context, because I am gonna start talking about my dick and some bad things that happened to it, I am a trans man.

So, the first time I got an STD it was pretty traumatic.

Most folks consider it more appropriate now to…

owl

trans activist pig, sex maze wizardfucker. (he/him)

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